Episode Four: My Dreams Are Wacky

So my dreams are really out there sometimes. Every time I tell Hudson, "I had the weirdest dream last night," he will immediately say, "You know, you can stop saying 'weirdest' because they're all weird. Just say 'I had a dream last night.'" It's true. I rarely have a dream that doesn't involve a total suspension of reality. And, I have no interest in having my dreams interpreted because a) I'd probably be scared to find out what they mean and b) sometimes I like living in a world where I get to drive a Bentley every once in a while. I mean, who wouldn't?!

I've had strange dreams all of my life and have even been known to walk in my sleep a time or two. Just ask my sister about the time when we were kids and she woke up to me holding the motor to the humidifier in my hand and upon being asked what I was doing, I promptly replied "I'm helping Dad with the swing set!!" I know...what in the world? I guess that was really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my dreams as they seem to have gotten wackier the older I get.

I, along with millions of others, have the re-occurring nightmare that the day before finals in college, I realize that I have somehow forgotten about a class and have to cram everything from the whole semester into my brain in 24 hours. I always wake up in a sweat after this one, and heart palpitations that last most of the morning. Good thing I'm not alone on this one. I'm not, right?

I wonder though how many have a re-occurring nightmare about marching band. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED being in the marching band in high school (even though I have friends who make fun of me!), but like all of my good memories, they somehow show up in my dreams in a weird and wacky way. So the way it goes is always the same....I'm home in Newburgh and find myself at a crisp, Fall Castle High School football game when somewhere around the end of the first quarter, Mr. Reese (my band director) sees me in the stands and heads straight in my direction. Once he gets there he explains that one of the flag girls is out sick and that I need to march in the show at halftime. I beg and plead not to do this...after all, I didn't go to band camp, I haven't practiced the routine, and I'm 20 years older than all of the other band kids. How on earth am I going to march a show that I've never seen before or practiced? It doesn't matter because Mr. Reese is relentless and I somehow end up marching and making a total fool of myself. (I even have to wear my old uniform because that's the only one they could find for me. Not sure if this is convenient or just really scary). Who's with me on this one? Someone must have this nightmare...you know you're out there.

I once dreamed that I was, again, back in Evansville and was a drug rep there (most of you know that's what I've done most of my professional life). My former coworker and I had taken some doctors to dinner (back when drug reps could do that) and one of the doctors decided that he didn't want to drive home. He handed his keys to me and asked if I would drive his car home and then bring it to his office the next day. Ummmmm....okay? When I got out to his car...it was a Bentley...except the steering wheel was in the backseat. Having never driven a car with the steering wheel in the backseat, I was reluctant to drive it home but come on...it's a Bentley! Who cares if it's not made like all of the others. (I'm only assuming that this one isn't like the others. Not only have I never driven a Bentley, but I've never even seen one up close). So, I hopped in with my coworker and off we went. Once we got on the Lloyd Expressway (for those who aren't familiar with Evansville, this is the main road/highway that goes from Newburgh all the way through Evansville. It's called an expressway, but it's the only one I've ever driven on that has a stoplight ever mile or so. More like a slow-way than an expressway), I realized that we weren't alone in the car. In the front seat (sans steering wheel) there sat Billy Joel! And Barbara Bush! Since my coworker and I were on our way to a baby shower (??????), I politely asked where they needed to go. Barbara Bush needed to be dropped at the Hampton Inn (of course!) but Billy wanted to hang with us. Whooohoo. I asked if he would sing "Uptown Girl" since that's always been a favorite of mine but he looked at me like I was crazy (starting to wonder myself) and then declined my request. I don't remember much else about that dream except that the baby shower was at Babies R Us (how convenient) and that Billy bolted once we got to the shower.

Last night, I dreamt that Hudson and I were both in the military (for any of you who know me, you know that while I hold our military personnel in high regard, I could never be one of them. I'm not tough and I hate nature. Hudson was never in the military either despite his short, short hair). We were in some far off place on deployment and we were standing at attention when our commander (I know we wouldn't have the same one necessarily but for the sake of this dream, we did) and he started lecturing those under him on the importance of proposing to the one you love and then following through with marriage. (See what I mean? We are off at war somewhere and these are the instructions he is giving us? Not directions on how to survive an air strike or how to foil an evil plot by the enemy, but rather that the men should be making wives of their women). Now at this point in the dream, it's important to note that I had on fatigues because that will soon change. All of the sudden, Hudson runs up to the commander and whispers something to him and off he went....straight across the street to a Zales Jewelry shop to buy wedding bands (because everyone knows that there is a Zales on every corner in the Middle East). As he does this, I notice that long gone are my protective, camouflage fatigues, now I'm in a humongous wedding dress. We ended up getting married as soon as he came back with the rings but the honeymoon would have to wait since we were at war and all.

So I have no clue what these dreams say about me other than maybe I have an active imagination and the uncanny ability to remember these dreams when I wake up. Or maybe it just means that I watch too much TV before bed or maybe I forgot my dose of chocolate for the day and that's what's thrown my brain into a creative, subconscious free for all. It doesn't really matter what they mean, I guess. I've always been quirky so this is just another proof positive of that. Luckily for me, Hudson and those who love me listen to these stories, smile and pretend to be fascinated by my wacky mind. Either that or they are making a mental note to Google "The Funny Farm" and have me taken away by the men in white coats. Either way, I'm sure my dreams will go on being wacky and weird, providing me more material for later blogs. Sweet dreams everyone! Or at least, crazy ones that you'll remember and share with whomever will listen.